First of all, I want to thank you all for the really great feedback on my last post. The only thing I like more than reading something inspirational and beautiful is when people tell me I've written something beautiful and inspirational. Oh, shut it, we're all that full of ourselves. I just lost my new followers for being a self-absorbed asshole, didn't I? In all honesty, thanks, it means a lot to me when you guys like what I'm writing, that's the whole point of this, isn't it?
So I'm not even embarrassed to say that I'm watching the Emmy's right now. To be fair, I'm getting paid to do so. No, I haven't sold out and decided to live-blog awards shows for money, don't stress, I'm just babysitting. Anyway, I'll put this out there too, I get upset watching awards shows. Why? Because it's like standing outside of a classroom, peering in through the little window in the door and watching all the kids in the club that you want to be in, but you're not allowed in yet. Do I want to be an actress to win awards? I mean, sure, but that's not why I want to do this, but do I want to be an actress? Yes. Would I like to be a part of that club? Yes. When Jane Lynch just won the award for Glee she worded it pretty well when she said that she was happy to be a part of a group of actors, "we have no other choice or just no marketable skills". I mean it's not like I'm not good at anything, it's that I've never really tried to be. I've put all my eggs in this basket, my parents have invested tens of thousands of dollars so that I could take acting classes, and what if I can't do it? I know that's no attitude, but what if I just don't make the cut? What am I going to do with my life? Sorry to get all quarter-life-crisis on you here, but it's been on my mind quite a bit lately, especially with this big move to LA.
Also, I'm just gonna go there, I've been watching the Emmys so it's at the forefront of my mind: I went to high school with Lea Michele. I know she's not like, Lady Gaga, or anything, but she's getting pretty famous. I don't harbor some resentment or anything, but I do hope that she doesn't often do google searches of her name and find who's writing about her on their blog. That would depress me. It just seems like such a huge marker in her success and my lack of success. Which is silly because she had an agent when I was still picking my nose under my desk in fourth grade, so it's not exactly a fair competition. It is fair to say that picking my nose was a bad choice. So was not owning a pair of those plastic Sketchers, but what can I say, I wasn't destined for cool. Or the red carpet in 2010, apparently. Because instead of wearing Oscar de la Renta and smiling at Jon Hamm tonight, I'm wearing a grey American Apparel t-shirt and hoping these parents stay out late so that I can pay my credit card bill.