Home is where...all of your embarrassing past is

As I mentioned yesterday, I'm at my parents' house for the day, and would like to share with you all some of the more mortifying treasures that I've found.

Last night I went digging through piles of papers and photos to see if I could throw away part of the amazing amount of stuff that I've amassed over the years. Sure enough I found lots for the garbage pile: A room key to The Venetian in Las Vegas (I went when I was 14), a box of Advil Cold & Sinus with an expiration date reading 8/07, a To-Do list from high school (seriously), and tons of former cell phone chargers. I also found a ton of stuff that held just enough sentimental value to stick around. But my favorite pile of stuff was the "oh my god this is so embarrassing/hilarious OR Why on earth did I save this?" pile.

In said pile was:
-An unopened college graduation card from my parents...how did I never open that?

<---This button:which can only be described as a hilarious tirade against my virginity...which I wasn't even looking forward to losing, I just thought I was making a statement. Sigh.
-A pamphlet advertising the new Starbucks in Plaka, which is in Athens, Greece. Hmm.
-A drawing of my high school french teacher with a voice bubble saying "My neck looks like a vagina!"
-A first generation iPod
-A note that Roommate wrote to me about where she was hiding the cigarettes after we threw a secret New Year's Eve party at her house, and my response, saying that I had smoked cigarettes again with a certain little Fox Primetime Starlet (ugh) the previous weekend.
-The finalized and confidential cast list for The Royal Tennenbaums, complete with agent's phone numbers, and the Social Security numbers and birth names of four of the leading actors.
-and finally, lots of really bad, whiny, unrequited "love" poetry.

In conclusion, I'm very glad I'm no longer a teenager.

A