I Jinxed the USA

I want to delete my Facebook account. I want to cancel my subscription to Kanye's tweets. I want to stop looking at photos of people who I haven't seen in eight years. I want to live in a world where people recognize that we cannot exist in a society without accepting that we are all a part of the same society. I want to be alone for a little while and I don't know how.

I'm not going to do any of this (how could I live without Kanye's witticisms?), but I'm feeling as though I should. My dependency on technology is no longer something that I am okay with. When I'm not on my laptop, iPod, or Blackberry I probably have the TV on. Yes, I read books, but lately I read before watching something on Netflix instant play, or in the bathtub, or with my phone nicely placed in my cleavage (classy, right?). What has happened to me?!

I spent a lot of time today looking at old photo albums and uploading old cds onto aforementioned laptop (which is coincidentally, although not surprisingly, atop my lap currently) and I miss the 90s. I mean, I hardcore miss the 90s. Yes, I miss being a kid, but more than that I miss the people around me and the way the world was. I remember having a very specific thought sometime around 1997/1998, which was: "Wow, I can't believe how lucky I am to be growing up right now! I live in the best country in the world, we aren't in a war, and everything is fucking peachy!" Okay, so I probably didn't say "fucking peachy" in my head, but you get my drift, yeah? So I'm sorry that I jinxed it, everyone. 9/11 is probably my fault. G. Dubs getting elected? C'est moi. The recession? Sorry. I should've knocked on wood, the Mighty Mighty Bosstones were talking to ME!

So America, as punishment for being responsible for the utter downfall and demise of our once great nation I'm going to suggest that we all just sign off now. Stop updating our statuses, stop tweeting, stop telling everyone what you think and take a minute to figure it out. Take a moment to put a photo in a frame. Put a record on. Look at a picture of your long-gone family members and wonder "what would they think?" I'm going to shut my laptop now and try and be quiet for a little bit.

A

PS: Don't get me wrong here, I'm not trying to lecture anyone but myself.
PPS: I had nothing to do with planning any terrorist events. Just in case you don't get the joke.