Boats

I've been trying to find a way to blog about this without offending you, and myself, but there just isn't. I always think I like boats, and I always get excited about going on a boat. Sometimes, I even start singing that stupid SNL song, "I'm on a mothaf*ckin' boat!" and laugh about grown men saying "flippy floppys", but I rarely have fun on a boat. Most of the time, I can't wait to get off the boat. There are definitely exceptions here, but it's like being stuck on an elevator with a view, you just can't leave! I mean what if you don't have the right snacks? You're on a M*THAFUCKIN BOAT! You can't just pop into Duane Reade and pick up a carton of yogurt raisins!

I'm ranting about this because I went to a Rocks Off concert on Tuesday. I don't know if you guys have ever done this, but they're boat concerts. The boat goes around the tip of Manhattan, stops by the Statue of Liberty, goes under the Brooklyn, Manhattan and Williamsburg bridges and its a beautiful ride. But then the band plays, and you can't even see them. Because they're playing inside on a little boat. Now, The Felice Brothers put on a great show. They were very energetic and *jeeeesus* they're young! I didn't really realize it until I noticed them before the show hanging out on the boat's top deck drinking beers with their girlfriends (who were CLEARLY almost still teenagers). But come on guys, I couldn't even see the band, and I couldn't stand on my chair because, again, we were on a mothaf*ckin boat, I would've fallen over.

I like boats where I can lay down in the back and get tan. Or boats where they pour champagne into my mouth and feed me mini quiches, but I don't think I can handle the boat concert again. Maybe I could do a boat like this:

Argh.

A