I Jinxed the USA

I want to delete my Facebook account. I want to cancel my subscription to Kanye's tweets. I want to stop looking at photos of people who I haven't seen in eight years. I want to live in a world where people recognize that we cannot exist in a society without accepting that we are all a part of the same society. I want to be alone for a little while and I don't know how.

I'm not going to do any of this (how could I live without Kanye's witticisms?), but I'm feeling as though I should. My dependency on technology is no longer something that I am okay with. When I'm not on my laptop, iPod, or Blackberry I probably have the TV on. Yes, I read books, but lately I read before watching something on Netflix instant play, or in the bathtub, or with my phone nicely placed in my cleavage (classy, right?). What has happened to me?!

I spent a lot of time today looking at old photo albums and uploading old cds onto aforementioned laptop (which is coincidentally, although not surprisingly, atop my lap currently) and I miss the 90s. I mean, I hardcore miss the 90s. Yes, I miss being a kid, but more than that I miss the people around me and the way the world was. I remember having a very specific thought sometime around 1997/1998, which was: "Wow, I can't believe how lucky I am to be growing up right now! I live in the best country in the world, we aren't in a war, and everything is fucking peachy!" Okay, so I probably didn't say "fucking peachy" in my head, but you get my drift, yeah? So I'm sorry that I jinxed it, everyone. 9/11 is probably my fault. G. Dubs getting elected? C'est moi. The recession? Sorry. I should've knocked on wood, the Mighty Mighty Bosstones were talking to ME!

So America, as punishment for being responsible for the utter downfall and demise of our once great nation I'm going to suggest that we all just sign off now. Stop updating our statuses, stop tweeting, stop telling everyone what you think and take a minute to figure it out. Take a moment to put a photo in a frame. Put a record on. Look at a picture of your long-gone family members and wonder "what would they think?" I'm going to shut my laptop now and try and be quiet for a little bit.

A

PS: Don't get me wrong here, I'm not trying to lecture anyone but myself.
PPS: I had nothing to do with planning any terrorist events. Just in case you don't get the joke.

Hibernation

After an eventful weekend packed with goodbyes and costumes and far too many chicken wings and Milky Ways I've decided to hide out for awhile. My head/chest congestion is currently operating at maximum capacity and I've been unable to make it a day without picking a fight and crying so here I am, on my parents' couch, head wrapped in a scarf, eating leftover halloween candy (oops), drinking "Breathe Easy" tea, trying to decide if I should watch Fern Gully or something I've never seen.

I'll be hiding here like this behind a pillow, wrapped in a scarf and donning my flannel, or in the tub doing crossword puzzles until its time to drive to California. If you need me for something send a carrier parrot (cause...they can talk).

Also, not a one of you left me road trip songs to download...aaaaand I know it was halloween week and all, but where's the love?

What revs my engines...

So I had a revelation last night. I was reborn. I found myself. Before you start in with the “aw, maaaan, another of my favorite bloggers got all freaky religious on me. UNfollow”, don’t fret, this revelatory moment had nothing to do with the realm of God.

Last night I teamed up with a group of filmmakers, actors, and a foggy-ass NYC skyline to shoot a scene from the (as yet unwritten) film that I’ve been helping work on for several months now. I went out to the shops at Columbus Circle and bought myself a sexy, satiny party dress, taped the exposed tag to my back, and kept the receipt and was ready for a night of acting. Hold up, I don’t remember how to do this. I’m serious…as we were reading through the script before rehearsing the shots I realized that I haven’t actually ACTED in months. How is that possible? I started to get nervous and wonder why the hell I want to do this with my life, what’s the point, why do I think this is fun/interesting/important? And then we got on the roof and I remembered all of it.

The past two months have been full of planning, scheming, organizing, saying goodbye, crying, taking pictures, sleeping on couches, tucked in with friends, dragging a rolling suitcase up the subway steps, but they have left me feeling a little bit empty; a little bit unsatisfied, and now I know that I’m doing the right thing. It felt so right, so fulfilling, so unlike anything I can describe, that I know I’m not wasting my time, my life, or my energy.

With this shoot out of the way the only thing left to do is mail my boxes to California, pack the car, load up the iPod playlist, buy a dozen rolls of film, and head west…

 A

Not YET, though, I need your help first. I need you to leave me, in the comments, three songs that should be on EVERY road trip playlist. Go.

Shameless Plug

I never do this, but since I've been crashing for free at my boyfriend's place for the better part of the past two months I figured I'd help him out a little bit. Especially since there's a bunch of you who are pretty awesome who read this blog. Check out his photo blog, he's going to put a new picture up every day and if you guys look at it I'll write you a poem. I'm serious. I write really good bad poems so you guys should get excited. Leave him comments and lets generate some blog-land traffic. His pictures are pretty sweet, and I'm not even in them so you know its true.


Happy Monday!

A

Thea-ter (parte deux)

My faith has been restored (at least for now). As part of my resolution to see a good amount of theatre before leaving New York, I went to see In The Wake at the Public on Tuesday night. Again, the tickets were free from Free Night of Theatre: New York, but I would have happily paid for them (not really, I don't *happily* pay for anything these days, but you know what I mean–it was worth it).

The content of the play didn't immediately appeal to me, as it was pretty heavy-handedly political, at least at first, but right off the bat I was pretty sure I'd enjoy it. There's something magical about stepping inside a theatre, sitting down in your seat and staring at a stage with a perfectly constructed New York apartment atop it, I don't care what anyone thinks about theatre or acting or plays or any of it, that's just plain and simply visually interesting. As the play went on, however, it started to bridge the gap of political-left-wing-New York into life goals and fears and forward motion, and that is where it really got me.

The main character (I won't give anything away, in case any of you are in New York and feel like going out to see it: ha!) is in a relationship that she begins to doubt, even though she realizes the uniqueness of it and how lucky she is to have the life that she has. She is struggling between the life pursuit of "making a difference" and "having her voice heard" and being a successful, giving person in the relationships around her. Well GOOD EVENING MANHATTAN! That was like a sucker punch to the...well, stomach. I mean, I had tears rolling down my face the entire second act (mostly because one of the actresses was so fucking stellar that I didn't know what to do with myself, but we'll get to that)!

This is my life right now. I mean, not immediately, but these are the things that I'm starting to really freak out about:

1) That I will have to ultimately have to choose between having the acting career that I've always dreamt about and a relationship/children.

2) That nothing *really* bad has ever happened to me my entire life and thus I am awaiting some colossal shitstorm of negativity and everyone that I care about will disappear from my life in one way or another.

3) That I will just give up, buy a Passat wagon (no offense), have a baby, name her something cool as a last ditch effort to appear interesting, marry a man who wears a suit to work every day (no offense), and spend six years of my life cutting hotdogs up into bite-sized pieces.

But that actress, oh man, that actress was everything that I want to be. I have no idea what her life is like, not a damn clue, but if I could make ONE person feel the way that she made me feel watching her then my life would be okay. Deirdre O'Connell is her name, in case you're interested. And yes, she has loads of film and tv credits (none of which she lists in her Playbill bio, by the way) and you might recognize her if you saw her, but probably not. Her performance, and this is a huge cliche that I'm about to throw at you, but her performance really did remind me of why I want to do this in the first place. Because, you know what, if given the right material you really can help people to see things in a new light, and you really can inspire people and bring them joy by letting them feel something.

And isn't that what art is?

I Would Have Left the Apple, Eve!

I was going to write a post today about the fantastic play I saw last night at The Public Theatre, but then today provided a significant amount of blog fodder so I'll save the "review" of In The Wake for tomorrow.

For some reason the universe [the universe, God, whatever you choose to believe. No judgement] decided that women should be blessed with the ability to grow new life inside them, to carry life and then give birth. For some reason, going along with that we also have to spend a good portion of each month wondering why we've been cutting the edges off of someone else's carrot cake and eating it straight off of the knife, or crying in an ATM vestibule, or wondering where all of the cheese cubes disappeared to. I don't mean to rail against my own gender, but I'm really starting to understand the argument against women in power. I know, I know that's the worst thing any forward-thinking, liberal minded person could say, but I'm serious here. Somewhere between the ATM crying, the hour and a half adventure of finding a parking spot, and spilling a whole Venti "Calm" tea at Starbucks I took a long moment to think about what the outcome would be if I had to make a decision that impacted more than just the lady who's leather coat got boiling water on it. The results were clear, I'd sit down, put my head in my hands and say, "I don't effing care about Social Security right now, I just need a nap. Please, [whimper], please, [whine] all of you just leave this oblong office".

Only now, after re-reading this do I realize the error of my thinking. Women are not necessarily ill-equipped to make proper world leaders, I am. My emotions are akin to one of those chinese yo-yos that you can swing above your head [well, you probably can't, but that's okay, I can't either] right now. Yes this has to do with the curse of womanhood [if I weren't so self-involved and curious I'd sell my–Jewish– eggs a few times and then tie the shit out of my tubes and end the curse forever, but predictably, I'd like to pro-create and pop out some monsters and see if they have my eyes. sigh], but it also has to do with the fact that I'm finally leaving New York. Yes, the departure date is set, the packing has begun, the cheap ass SUV that was purchased on eBay has been fixed, and I'll be driving across this nation o' ours come November 1st. My goodbye party is this Saturday night (of course I'm throwing it for myself, do you really think I trust someone else with these fragile affairs?) and I've been walking around like a tourist staring up at buildings and trying to be prematurely nostalgic, so I think its finally time.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's an empty container of cheese cubes that I should go cry into.

Assorted Journal Entries 1996-1999

Wednesday April 24, 1996


Dear Diary,


It's 10:18 and I'm still not out of bed. It's Cliff's [my brother] Birthday and he no one seems to notice not even him. He's having problems practiceing the piano.


Last night was Rachel's Party with Lea, Lauren, Rachel and I. I told everyone I liked Jess, Lea said she likes Ryan and Lauren said she liked Daneil. Rachel Dosen't like anyone.


The End


April 2, 1999 10:25 pm


Hi! As I said, I quit gymnastics, let me give you another little update:


7th GRADE SUCKS!!


I can't wait until camp. I am going to French Woods! I am soooo excited!


I STILL have never have had a boyfriend.


I AM DETERMIND TO GET ONE AT CAMP!


Love,


Adria

So there's another little batch of insight. I don't know if this is enjoyable for anyone else, but I think it's a good way to gain some perspective. Or I'm just procrastinating packing my life into cardboard boxes. Either way, I definitely did not have a boyfriend at camp that summer. Back to the packing...t-minus 13 days until departure.

A